I'm intrigued to read along and see what you learn. I've toyed with the idea myself, but honestly, I'm afraid that if we quit going, we'll never return. I have young children and I'm not sure I'm ready to take them along with me on that ride. Maybe it would be the best thing for all of us... but I have this fear that I'll ruin them. I'm blogging about our current church search this summer, but it may be that we put the whole thing on hold and step back for awhile. We'll see.

Dear Mark,

I've been reading your articles over the last year and I always found them really interesting, even (or especially) when they didn't speak to me.

I'm a 25-year old born and raised Roman Catholic. Until I was 21 I almost never missed a Sunday at church, and when it actually happened I felt the need to make things better by going to church during the week. My relationship with the Church and God wasn't all bright and clear everyday and I always had a lot of issues with the Church, the way it presents itself to the world, the way it organises itself, and so on. Still, I felt part of it.
What made me leave church for good (I've been to church a few times since then, but mostly by curiosity, to check if things were still the same or not, and also because I do miss the beauty of a sunday office every once in a while) was a year-stay in Canada. I'm not a native english speaker and even though I speak fluently and understand this language without any problem, I realised something important while going to Church there: praying, singing, and hearing prayers in English didn't speak to me. I found myself wondering "why? If God is universal, a-temporal, if His realm is within our heart and soul, why does using another language in which I feel as comfortable as in my native language makes me feel so empty? Why is it that by just shifting the medium, the essence isn't there anymore?"
I pondered that for months, while I was still going to church there, feeling that I just needed time maybe.
In the end, I decided to leave. To try and find out if, by any chance, that was a message to find God somewhere else. Guess what? Since I've left, not only do I feel better with myself for not endorsing an institution with which I find myself in contradiction more often than not, but I can also assure you I found more spritual people outside of church than within. No coincidence Jesus went to the sinners, the poors, the workers. They're the real church.
All in all, I've never felt more part of God's community (in a word: Church) than since I left church.

Godspeed.

I tried going to church as an adult, but I wasn't living a very "churchly" lifestyle at the time. I was looking for some type of spiritual connection that I just didn't have...The people were very friendly and welcoming - and judgmental. They were very nice to me but would carry on all sorts of conversations about people who were living in sin, or those "murderers who had abortions" or degenerate homosexuals. It seemed that every church function I went to reminded me of how much I wouldn't really be welcome there, how much I didn't belong. These people would love and welcome me - as long as I kept my whole life a secret from them. I wasn't going to be able to keep that up for very long, so I left. I've since gotten sober with the help of a wonderful 12-step fellowship and developed a relationship with a God who loves me. In an attempt to deepen my spiritual connection, I've been to a few more churches. I still get the same message - if they knew who I used to be, they wouldn't want me around. God loves me and forgives me, but people aren't God. I prefer to meditate and just talk with (and listen to) God. Fishing is the best. Me and nature and God with nothing but time to hang out. Much better than sharing space with a bunch of judgmental, flawed human beings.

Why, how very judgmental of you, Doug.

Mark, I admire your attempt to see all sides of belief. I like many I do not go to church, and mainly not because of lack of belief but the fact that this church says one thing, that one says another, and all want your money but do little for the community in which they are located. If the Non-Profit churches put the money raised each day from congregations, charitable donations, rent income on the needy here in America, there would be no homeless, no hunger, and no children without what they need. But it doesn't - it pays for missionary to go out to other countries and fix third world problems in third world parts of the globe - forgetting that our own community is needy.
There is a large disconnect between the "Church" of today and the teachings of Jesus. As you sited in your blog - yes many of us are tired of the hypocrisy of it all.
Years ago I saw an episode of Star Trek that explained why the Federation had no more religion - it was because Man no longer needed a reason for their existence. The need for a reason for being was not attached to Fear any longer so the need for a Greater force in the universe was no longer needed to justify the beginning of man. This means that science had won the race in the end and humans accepted that they are a biological being among many others, and not singular or even special.
Good luck in your search - I hope you are "blessed" with enlightenment, empowered with vigor to then spread your learning to others, and strength to over come your self doubt and that of others that will try to keep you mute.

I am a 12 stepper and there are times when the dogma of AA is as bad as the dogma of some churches. There is zealotry everywhere.

Power Rangers the Musical


I haven't gone to church in years, probably 20, but I don't find myself lost or lacking in any religious sense. I used to go every Sunday growing up. I was even helping out with the youth groups and the church offerings. But once I left for college everything changed. I lost a lot of the comforts I had known growing up and regularly attending church was one of them.

At first I tried to go and when I missed a day I felt bad about it. I was at a Catholic University and felt even more guilty that I didn’t attend mass, but it was a self-imposed guilt for fear of what others were going to think about me not attending mass.

Over time, and I regret to inform you three months in not a very long time (only 12 Sundays), I would say three years when I started becoming a peer among other students, I found that leaving the church never really happened it simply transitioned. I took with me the lessons and the morals and was able to apply them every day. So really church was inside of me the entire time. I forgave myself and was able to release a lot of the burdens that held me down. I was solely responsible for my actions and I would only have to answer to me and God. It was not someone else’s responsibility to be saved or accountable to. I was to only be judged by God. And so my personal relationship with him has grown because of this.

I didn't need to be reminded every Sunday of God's good work and how to be a good person. I no longer needed to be tied to a routine and I was free to expand my abilities and explore the beauty around me.

Now, 20 years later, I find times where I need to center myself again and sit in mass or to visit a church to recharge but not for any religious needs but as a way to refocus myself so that I again may go about life in a good and spiritual way.

This has opened my eyes to many others who are also transcending their religious beliefs and applying their lessons to the world around them in a kind and loving way too. So I think religion, most open minded and loving ones, are the beginning stage a person needs in order to start their personal spiritual journey but in no way was it meant to be the encompassing (beginning, middle and end) path to love and enlightenment one must follow to secure a place in the afterlife.

There are many amazingly spiritual people who don’t go to church just as there non-spiritual one who do. I wish you best of luck and I hope you find what you are looking for and that your journey is enlightening. Make it all about your personal experience with God and let him teach you, through you and not outside of you, embrace the moments and live these next three months to the fullest.
Peace,

Laurie, is there an unprogrammed Quaker meeting nearby? That might be a good fit.

I stopped going to church a long time ago. The story with that is a long one (well, too long for a comment here.) However, the reasons I do not attend church now are a bit different from then and span a wide variety of issues. 1. I have fibromyalgia, two children and a husband who doesn't seem to have the same desire I have for going back to church or even searching for one...his reasons, I suspect, are different than mine. 2. The churches I have visited either don't feed me the way I know I need fed or, I can't quite put my finger on it in a general statement, but others have felt very "cold" or "snooty" to me. Some churches I have visited use very manipulative tactics to "save" people and I completely disagree with that. As a matter of point, coercion and manipulation in the church angers me. I believe it is far from christian behavior.

I'd be happy to give some feedback on this. I LOVE having Sundays off. I now have time to spend immersing myself in natural beauty and appreciating the Spirit instead of being forced to listed to a lecture, even if the guy (usually) who's talking is hip, cusses, smokes, drinks, has tattoos, and is the most "relevant" man in town. I also happen to feel, from personal experience behind the scenes for most of my life, that churches and/or religion in general have co-opted and shrink-wrapped God with their certainty. Let me know/email me if you want to know more. But here's my summary: www.theagnosticpentecostal.com/about/

My husband and I recently moved to Fort Worth Texas. I had been very ill, in and out of the hospital 4 times last year. When I was finally well enough to go to church, we visited several in our area and found not one where we truly felt accepted and like we fit in. One preacher was constantly calling the congregation to vote Republican so we could get out our "Muslim President", while another encouraged parishenrs to increase their tithes so we could build a new parking lot even school age children in our congregation did not have school supplies for the upcoming school year.

I recently quit attending church. Growing up I went to church with friends from time to time but my family didn't go because my dad thinks most pastors are hypocrites. After I became a believer in my teens I attended church semi regularly. For most of my adulthood I would periodically attend church but didn't find one that I really connected with people. I tried again when I was going through a divorce and attended church regularly for about 5 years. I made many wonderful friends at church but there were things that were always a struggle for me. The church was very tightly controlled as to who could lead things and what ideas were pursued and after several attempts to make suggestions or to become more involved were shot down it became apparent to me that it was desired that I just show up and work in preschool when scheduled and that my opinions weren't really welcome. Also the nature of church is that there is always pressure to show up more, do more, serve more, give more etc. As an introverted person and as a person who is more likely to say no rather than yes I found that pressure unpleasant. Another thing that bothered me was that probably 90 percent or more of the ministry of the church was focused on the people who were "in the church" and we rarely did more than give money to those outside of the church. I also struggled with the fact that my political viewpoints are more liberal than most in the charismatic nondenominational church I attended and I had people who took it personally that I disagreed with them to the point that one person deleted me from FB because my posts were "so secular in nature that they grieved her heart". I can only assume from our conversations previously that somehow my pointing out a large number of problems with things that Rick Santorum said somehow translated to "grievously secular". Other people said that they needed to talk to me to "straighten me out". I witnessed several adults who are mature Christians from my church dogpiling on a teenager's FB post about same sex marriage and telling nonbelieving teenagers who they didn't know that they could do what they want but they will have to answer to God. It was very disheartening because they totally shut down any possibility of dialogue or conversation with those kids by the way they approached them. Through all of that it became very clear to me that the "everyone is welcome at church" comments were really just lip service and if someone showed up who was LGBT or extremely liberal it would be just a matter of time before someone decided it was their place to tell them they were going to hell. The last straw though was gossiping. My teenager didn't love going to church and made a comment to that effect to someone. Instead of mentioning it to me and letting it go they found it necessary to offer to take my kid out for a burger as though I was not capable of parenting him or as if he didn't have a dad just because his dad and I are no longer married. The person also ran to the pastors to report what my child said and then one of the pastors asked my friend about it instead of asking me. Neither the original gossiper or the gossiping pastor saw anything wrong with their actions and couldn't understand why I was upset because they were just "concerned". As though you can't gossip if you are couching it as concern...So I decided to stop going and told people I was close to that I was taking a break. Since then I've had an email out of the blue from another former church member who experienced very much the same gossiping even though he hasn't been to church in a year. I already knew I made the right decision but that was pretty confirmatory. Honestly, I'm enjoying having my Sundays back. No more frentic hurrying to get to church, to serve, to prepare food for life group, to rush to life group, etc. I'm enjoying a much slower pace on Sundays and my kids seem to be enjoying it as well. I am doubtful at this point that I will go back to regular church attendance. Whew, that was probably longer than you were looking for. I look forward to reading your series.

You should consider a church of religious science. It has all that you are looking for. If you are ever in Los Angeles, you should check it out. A large part of the congregation is Catholic and Jewish, but even hindus, muslims, buddhists, and atheists like me feel very much at home there.

I am a believer, but I don't go to church. As a person with a disability, I frankly am tired of feeling like a project. To be healed , saved or what have you. I'm tired of getting the feeling that they think that since my disability obviously hasn't gone away (and I've attended several services with that aim)... I must be a faithless sinner and the disability (Cerebral Palsy) is My fault.
I've had to leave organized religion to save what fragile relationship I do have with God...

Nessie

Thank you, Teresa. :)

Nessie, thanks for sharing your experience and reason for leaving your church. Goodness! I commend you for choosing a healthier and holier path for yourself. Blessings to you! <3

I grew up in church and always was actively involved in church...whether I wanted to be or not, since I grew up in a church where my father pastored and my mother insisted I be involved. When I moved to a new city in my early 30s I was worn out from lifelong church participation, disillusioned by reality not matching the things I'd been told about what God would do for me if I "delighted myself in the Lord", and increasingly disgusted by the sexism and homophobia interlaced through the teachings. So I stopped attending on a regular basis. At the beginning of 2005 I joined an open and affirming church in my city, but only this year have I started to get involved in the life of the community. I was worn out from being forced to participate so vigorously as a child and from not being in touch enough with my own soul to stop going as an adult. I still feel as though I wasted too many years of my life sitting on someone's pew, all because that's what my mother demanded of me. Those are years I will never get back, and that angers me.

Profound Peggy! Thank you for sharing all that.

I studied philosophy, religion & literature, obtaining BA degrees 33 years ago. I have been a philosopher of religion & a speculative thinker for 44 years, since I was 12. So, there are many reasons i will never step inside a church again, even though I grew up a Protestant. Two, of many, reasons I will never go back are Calvinism and Dominionism. The Church could have been the most effective organization to stop the spread of these cancerous evils, but, as far as I can see, has done nothing, and now it is far too late. Calvinism has morphed into the "health & wealth gospel" and Dominionism is rapidly dismantling the USA. The utter failure of the Church, Catholic & Protestant, to even speak out against these twin tidal waves of spiritual sewage has condemned it forever to irrelevance.

I am a 45 year old, atheist male. I have been atheist for 35 of those years, and the previous 10 I was just going with the flow. Needless to say, I don't go to church. But that isn't to say I haven't gone to church. Raised Catholic, I was required to pass thru the processes of catechism, communion and "confirmation" (tho I am still not clear on what was confirmed, since i was by that time atheist). At age 15 I was relieved of the requirement to go to church, and I stopped immediately.

Around age 22 I had a brief brush with spirituality and "faith", but not in the traditional sense of faith, more generic, that if you have faith in anything, it will be real for you. So if you have faith in god, god is real for you. It was a relativistic perspective, as that was, and kind of still is, my view of the world.

By the time I reached 30 or so, i was pretty solidly atheist and non-religious, anti-church, but was lured to the church with the promise of lots of hot single good-natured men. I have to say that I continued going after the realization that there was more to interest me there then the men. It was a nice sense of community. The church is very open in its membership, even atheists could feel welcome there, and in fact the minister himself is rather anti-religious (this was Rev. Michael Beckwith at the church of religious science known as Agape in Los Angeles). I honestly loved going there, and became a member within weeks, taking classes, the whole nine. And I remained a regular weekly attendee for several years. But then it got too big, too crowded, and too rote. It was the same story over and over, you may be familiar with The Secret. That is essentially the bible of Agape, and it just gets old. I want to be mentally challenged, and that challenge was no longer there.

My last 7-8 years in LA, I rarely if ever attended. I have since moved to NYC, and honestly am considering a church started by a friend of mine out here, where apparently even atheists feel welcome.

I guess to make a long story short (too late i know) church can be good for fellowship with similarly minded people. It becomes a community, a family, when you live in a big, crazy city.

I don't know if this helps you... or why i would even wish to help you, since I have many negative feelings about religion, missionaries, and all. I guess its partly because i just wanted to share my story, and a big part of me enjoys helping people, regardless of who they are.

Peace

Pastor Sandlin, thank you for sharing this experience publicly. I apologize if I am repeating what others have mentioned. I've only read about 5 comments at this point.

While I look forward to following your journey, I must say that I doubt very much that a 3 month "leave" will be long enough to gain a true "perspective" of what it is like to be "spiritual and not religious"--especially since you are going on a mission trip in the midst of what is to e a "sabbitical."

Recently, I learned of a physical trainer who has written a book about his decision to gain 70lbs in 6 months then losing it in the following 6 months. He states he now understands what it is like to be obese. Doubtful (in my humble opinion). He may have gained (pardon the pun) some idea about what it feels like to be fat. But he was never "truly obese" and cannot possibly truly understand what that experience is like. I think he is making a load of $$$ off his book, though.

I mention this because I'm wondering if you are planning to profit--financially--from this experience. Or are you truly on a mission (pardon the pun) to gain empathy, insight, and become more introspective as a result of living a truly spiritual life without dogma and religion?

Blessings! <3

Thank you for clarifying, Pastor Mark. I appreciate what you are doing. At the very least, you will gain some insight into YOU and, in my humble opinion, that is always a good thing. Like I said, previously, I look forward to following your journey.

I have gone for a half a year or more without church. I got about 4-5 times a year now. I am quite happy with it, in fact, I feel more spiritual connected to our Creator than I did when I was going!

I grew up loving the saints and sacraments of a Catholic church. I didn't go to mass while away at college, but always thought if I was loving, then all was good with God. I married a Catholic guy and we returned to church and raised our three children in that faith. I ran the CCD program for 10 years. I noticed more and more that I disagreed with the hierarchy's rules. After my divorce, I took my leave of absence. It was a relief, just like my divorce from a not-growing relationship. I did not want a million rules that would label me bad/evil ; I wanted to experience growing god-within. I read a lot of spiritual books. I was very sure that I was right with god and I didn't miss my church, but I missed something. After three years, I started visiting churches. I wanted to celebrate what I believed. Many churches felt the same as the one I left. The last try was 7 years ago. I walked into a Unity (New Thought) church and it just felt like I was home. Here was a place where my experience of God/Goddess/Universe was welcomed and I could share the truth of god-within. Most recently I only go to church once a month because I stay with my 92 year old mom on weekends. Visiting. laughing, gardening, or walking in the woods all feel like the love/creation/joy of God is everywhere. I miss church, but I feel no guilt. I'm wisely choosing what is right for me.

..it does not tell me what to think but how to think critically."

I'm trying my best to formulate this comment without being rude...and here comes the "but"........but if your Science of Mind, Center for Spiritual Living truly teaches you how to think critically, you will learn that Homo Sapiens is a mammal with a highly developed brain; one which many of us have not yet quite mastered how to use. When I think of our potential and where we are in comparison to where we could be, I think of a brand new Lexus sitting in our driveway which we operate by hitching it up to a pair of donkeys and having them pull us around.

One reason I haven't been recently has been my work schedule. After benign awake all night on an ambulance, and knowing I have to be awake all Sunday night on an ambulance, I sleep during the day. Much safer.
But I had stopped going before that. I have friends and coworkers that are homosexual, and I value these people too much. I can not in good conscience support an organization in any way that seeks to make them less of a human being than I am, just because of sexual orientation. I know that there are churches that do support equality, but where I live they are seemingly non existant.
I think people are more important, and many churches have seem to forgotten that in favor of money and having things look a certain way

I am spiritual, but not religious. I was raised by agnostics. We hardly ever talked about religion, I wasn’t exposed to the Bible, and ‘spirituality’ wasn’t even mentioned. But ethics and morality were very important, especially to my Dad. He lived his life with integrity – as a person of strong moral character, but also as a person who was more integrated, more consistent, more whole – he wasn’t perfect, didn’t pretend to be perfect, but he had a strong nonjudgmental moral sense and he expected his actions to reflect this moral sense. Through the way he lived his life and his dying, he taught us deep lessons by example.
And despite the lack of religion in my young life, as long as I can remember God has been a part of my life.
Why don’t I go to religious meetings? Negative experiences with Christians, especially the ones who tell me all non-Christians are going to hell or all non-Christians are immoral. Attending a Christian church in session is too threatening. Christian’s belief in the ‘Great Commitment’ is so very unnerving. I’m not Jewish (although I came close when I was age 18). UU church board infighting.
Also, most services that I have attended talk to your mind or to the religion’s beliefs, but don’t talk to the heart. Social anxiety about communities probably ended my attending the lovely silent Quaker service and the Thich Nhat Hanh based mindfulness practice group. Both of these tended more to the heart.
On my own, I do some mindfulness practices, some spiritual readings, I talk to God and I stop to listen to God. And I suppose that’s one reason I don’t go to religious meetings – even when it’s been a positive or beneficial experience, I just don’t experience God being there. Part of this may be about prayer. To me, ‘prayer’ is talking from your heart to God. Reading from a book doesn’t mean it can’t be read from your heart to God, but the droning sound most people make indicates to me that for most people a prayer is just something to read aloud, not part of an active relationship.
Your attempt to widen your perspective, which includes stepping outside your comfort zone both by inviting other’s comments via the blog and by changing your own habits for 3 months seems to me to be both wise and courageous.
I wish you well on your journey.
Karen

Hi Charlie,
“Spiritual, but not religious”, I can tell you what it means to me, but when others use it it may mean something else to them. Therefore, what I say below are just different ways on how I see the difference between the two.

In the early years of human history, a group of three homo sapiens looked up into the universe and felt as though they were mere specks, but specks that were part of something greater. They felt awe and (what I would call) the presence of God or divine love. This is an aspect of being spiritual.
After awhile, two of them conferred and determined what this meant. Thus, religion was born. They told the third person. The third person had two choices – he could agree and belong to the group or he could disagree and be shut out of the group. A religion may have spirituality, but it always has some power. The power may be used for good, but unfortunately power can also corrupt. However, religions that lose all spirituality and try to influence people by power alone die out. And so, not so many virgins are thrown off cliffs anymore. In the long war between divine love and corruptive power, love wins. The universe leans toward healing.

Another way I think of spirituality and religion is as a wooden wheel. There is a spoke for each religion (and for each belief system). When you are on the spoke by the outer rim, you are far away from the other spokes and far away from people on the same spoke that are by the hub. These are fundamentalists of every ilk. Their beliefs separate them from others, even from people on the same spoke. People on the spoke by the hub, are very near to the other spokes. They may come from different religions or belief systems, but they can see the crux of all the beliefs by the hub are basically the same. Their beliefs make them closer to others by the hub; their spirituality is similar. God is the air in the center of the hub. No one can walk you to God; they can walk you up to the hub, but you must take your own leap of faith. This is a spiritual leap, not a religious leap. It is your personal relationship with God. Which probably also means I see spirituality as being of the individual and religion as being communal. Religion, at its best, helps to walk you to the hub and allows you to be free to make your own leap.

On a more personal level - I am not religious means simply I do not subscribe to the set of beliefs of any particular religious organization.
Spiritual? - I see humans as spiritual beings within a biological and chemical vessel. Divine love is real and the point of our existence is to walk toward our ideal selves. Free will exists, but apparently God can and does nag. Mother Teresa referred to being a ‘pencil in the hand of a loving God’; when I have walked the spiritual path, this is what I pray for – that I can submit and be obedient to God. Not to a minister, a priest or a pastor, but to God. I am aware of signposts and synchronicity. I am aware that God would never ask me to hurt anyone or myself, but that doesn’t mean that I will be safe. Following God has often meant for me to do things I wouldn’t otherwise do, actions that are not comfortable for me or ‘usual’ but actions that end up benefiting others or helping me to grow. This has been my experience. I wish I could say that I am always on this path or that I have been on it lately, but the ego does love to feel that it is in control.
However, once on the path it is simply impossible to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Many of these posting, to me, seem to be from people who are ‘spiritual, but not religious’ or ‘Christian spiritual, but not religious’.

Sorry to be so long, but it seemed a broad question. Hopefully, I've answered it. :-)
Take care,
Karen

Great comments.

And you are right. Takes more than a few months to feel clean again.

As I posted before, I left ordained ministry 2 1/2 years ago. I've since been a hospice chaplain, and as a hospice chaplain my job is to meet people where they are, and help them find peace with God. I find it so liberating that since I'm no longer of one tradition, I am free to truly hear where people are coming from without wanting to defend my own stance. I've been surprised at how many people I meet who gave up church a long time ago, were wounded by the Church, or who simply can't find any bread there. They are afraid I'm going to try to convert them or "save" them when they hear "chaplain". I pray with them. I stay open to where the Spirit guides us. More often than not, I find very brave, spiritually connected souls, who are not afraid to die. I've met many Christians, my own parents even, who are TERRIFIED of death, despite their firm beliefs. Being "out" here for these years has been a profound learning. Meeting people on the outside, meeting them where they are, and finding the presence of God in unlikely places. Many people who don't feel guilty about straying from The Apostles' Creed, have amazing insights into the Spirit of God that sustains them and gives them courage to face "the things they cannot change." You may need more than three months, but I have no doubt that even in 3 months, you'll learn a lot out here! Blessings!

Wow. I am going to forward that to a friend of mine who goes to a fundamentalist church and doesn't believe a word of what they say.

We (are at least most of us) have just like to belong to groups, and he admits that is why he goes to church...for the social aspect of it. He comes right out and admits he is a hypocrite but the need to "belong" is more powerful than the guilt he must harbor over his hypocrisy.

I salute you, Ellen. You are a courageous and thoughtful person.

I took my 20s off from church, it was probably the worst period of my life. I enjoy church, I go to different churches, I seem to know people where ever I go, and I would miss the fellowship if I didn't attend. I would also probably slip back into my old ways.

I hope after your hiatus you return with a renewed appreciation for church. Enjoy your Sundays!

Bravo. Hard to believe there are so many homophobic churches and Christians around in 2012. We find seemingly intelligent people turn into radical, foaming-at-the-mouth fanatics preaching hate. It's amazing they fail to think every gay/lesbian person had 2 straight parents. I published a book last December that shows an alternate reality and the religious right is actually composed of all gay/lesbian couples (who are the normal majority). It's an interesting concept, although not original. The story may be interesting to some. There is a book trailer on the website that briefly explains the book. Hope some of you will enjoy looking at it, and who knows, you may enjoy reading the book. Thanks. Grant West

I'd never thought that I was on "sabbatical"--that's a great way of looking at it. I've been a member of three Charasmatic non-denominational churches and have finally given up. I've not attended church as a member for over 5 years; and, I'm surprised that I don't miss going. Others would like to try and make me feel guilty, but I don't. I was a member of the worship team, the choir, the soloist almost every Sunday, attended bible study, and followed the pastor to hear him preach. But, I've become disillusioned with the money grabbing wastefulness and the political stands that the churches have taken. With the money, they only help themselves and not the community. The last church I attended, the pastor thought the young women in the church were for his own use. He "fell" several times--the last time I left, as did most of the members of the church. What had been a thriving, growing congregation, is now only a shell.

I serve on a ministerial team that goes to a homeless/rehabilitation shelter each month and I watch "select" ministers on TV and listen on radio. I read my bible and pray every day throughout the day. I tell people "I have left the building, I have not left the Lord".

I don't know if I'll go back or not as a regular member. I go to special services when I'm invited by a friend or to sing. I feel I'm still a part of the Body of Christ, just without all the drama.

Hi Mark. I applaud this mission that you have set for yourself. Even though I also spent what seemed like an inordinate amount of time in church as a child, I rarely attend anymore. I do not refer to myself as a Christian but I do consider myself a follower of Jesus. There is way too much baggage attached to being a Christian and it bogs me down on my spiritual journey. I think that Christianity was a great idea but then people got involved and really messed it up. :-) I look forward to reading your blog and seeing the outcome. God's blessings on your undertaking!

Such a church does exist... the Unitarian Universalist Church... UU churches are non creedal and part of being a UU is the belief that each individual is responsible for their own search for truth and meaning and connection to God. It is a truly diverse community and embraces those of all faiths to come and share within one spiritual home. UUs believe that revelation is not sealed and their are many spiritual sources from which to draw in ones journey towards spiritual knowledge and truth. I don't know if it would be for you, but it does seem in line with what you say, especially the bit about not subjugating the feminine. Good luck on your spiritual journey! :)

We need to remember that The Church is the Body of Christ -- All believers are part of it. The Church is not a building we go to. Believers do not have to GO to church, we ARE THE CHURCH. Yes, it is important for us to encourage each other & lead others to faith in Christ so they can come into a right relationship with God & be a part of THE CHURCH & enjoy their relationship with God. We have the SPIRIT of God living within us - we don't just meet with Him occasionally in some special place. He wants us to allow Him to work in and through us to bring glory to Him & lead others to Him all the time.

Hmmm. I hope this works for you. I didn't go to Church (except sporadically when I went home) from the time I went to college to the time I had my first child. Because I wasn't in Church I wasn't thinking about such things like-- how do I handle all the secular pressures; how do I choose a husband that will worship with me; etc..etc..etc.. I look back and see how much easier my life might have been if I had continued going to Church-- it helps you keep your eye on the right things. It's hard to argue that God doesn't really care what you are doing if you are in Church on your knees before him. People don't go to Church today because they are intellectually and spiritually lazy and just plumb lazy. They justify their laziness the way we all justify not doing things we know we should be doing by creating false excuses about why we are not doing them. I know. That's what I did. Thank God we are justified by His Grace, because I did a horrible job of justifying myself before him by my actions. The fact that things have turned out pretty well for me is a source of continued amazement and thankfulness at His continued mercies in my life.

Great stuff. Thank you for it. But, um, I'm gonna push back a little bit and post something on my blog. I am not sure you can experience life as an SBNR person. It's not just about church attendance.

Anyway, thank you for the thoughtful post. I appreciate it greatly.

I grew up going to church every time the doors were open. Not just sunday mornings, but also sunday nights and wednesday nights. I was homeschooled, and church WAS my social life- without it, I'd have had no contact with other kids, and life would have been terribly isolating. When I went to college, there was no question about whether I would go to church. I was going to a public university, and I was faced with the reality that for the first time in my life, nobody would know if I went or not; but I went anyways. I skipped a few sundays here and there by accident because I slept in, and every time, there was this aching in my heart, feeling like by not getting to church, I was missing something that would recharge and revitalize my heart. When I graduated from nursing school and moved to des moines, I got a job as an RN, and discovered that I had to work every-other-Sunday. Going to church only twice a month wore down on my heart, and made me feel distant from God. It made me feel isolated, because if you only go twice a month, it's hard to build relationships with people, and I had church people who introduced themselves to me once, and then again, two weeks later, the next time I showed up. I just couldn't handle it anymore, after a few months, and I managed to find biblestudy groups that met during the week, that I could attend, and found community- but I still missed church. In May, I finally found a job, (after a full year) where I do not work weekends, and can make it to church every week. :) I can finally be involved in the ministry there, and build wholesome, real relationships with people. :)

Love this article. I too have went through a serious introspective look at my spiritual health. Being raised in the church, with varying theological perspectives, I have come to realize that much of God and His power is needed OUTSIDE the four walls. I have wondered how many churches are getting bigger, yet the people in it are "small" spiritually. "Dead" to the concerns and needs of the outside community. Some churches have become cults, manipulating some into a state of apathy. Where is Christ? Where is his love? Church in America is just a religious twist on the " American Dream", seeking worldly blessings and status. Christ presented quite the contrary, with selflessness and sacrifice. I eventually left my church. I did not leave God, but pursued him. I did not leave His Son, but love him the more. My desire is not to be a "good christian" but a disciple of Christ. Connecting with other like minded believers who are about doing this love thing for real. Let them have their church, conferences, mega-this and mega-that. If those who are followers of Christ, want to be effective in living the gospel, then lets get back to his LOVE.

I left the institutional church quite a few years ago. While I had some issues with certain doctrines the churches teach this issue was easy to ignore. Each church has their brand of Christianity and I learned many years ago it was best to just keep some beliefs to yourself so as not to cause arguements. The thing that made me finally leave was the total lack of real fellowship and relationship within the body. I grew up in a cult (World Wide Church of God) that quite frankly taught a number of false doctrines but the one thing we had was true fellowship. People would come hours early and stay hours long after the 2 hour service just to spend time together. We didn't often see each other any other time in the week so we spent as much time as we could. As soon as the doors were open people were there. When the church eventually separated on a grand scale in 1995 we stayed through the changes. However, when we moved to a new state we decided to try more mainstream churches to learn all the things we had missed. I learned a few things listening to the pastor but it was impossible to get to know anybody on a real level. People would show up right before church and leave right after without much fellowship. This happened at every church we attended. Eventually I did not see the point in just going to church to look at the back of someones head while some guy talked at me for about 20 minutes after singing a few songs. The people were spiritually dead and they didn't even know it. Finally after being on our own for a few years we were invited to a small group who met on Sunday afternoons. They ate together, fellowhshipped, worshipped, and had great discussions. There is no pastor. Jesus himself is our pastor and he leads by the Holy Spirit. We live life together as a body. We all come from different church backgrounds (cult, baptist, methodist, assembly of god, etc.) yet we find things we agree on and discuss what the Lord has taught us throughout the week. We often find he is teaching each of us the same thing in different ways and when we come together its like looking at the different facets of a diamond. Our family now meets with 2 different groups like this. I have grown more in the past 4 years than in the previous 36. We have no need to try to convince anybody of doctrines we may not all agree on. When we find something we see differently we put it aside and let the Lord work on it. I have personally found that some of my beliefs were either wrong or at the very least unimportant. While I don't expect we will all ever agree on each and every point that is what makes our group amazing. We love each other like family and we allow the Holy Spirit to teach and change whatever each of us needs. I honestly cannot see myself ever setting foot in a church service again. Maybe someday I'll have a reason to be there but for now this is just too amazing to give up for something so lifeless and pale. Good luck on your journey. I'm looking forward to hearing how it turns out.

Here is my reason for leaving institutional church.

http://dividingword.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/leaving-the-institutional-church/